Hedgehog Tunnels

Yesterday was our reception. It was tiring and my cheeks hurt from smiling at everyone. Other than both sides of our family some friends showed up. I was missing a couple. Val had to go to a funeral and I'm not sure if Ritsuko got the invite or if she had to work. Did I make you mad Terri? If I did I'm really really sorry.
After it was over we went and saw Harry Potter. I liked it as a movie, but was kind of disappointed by how much had to be cut. Otherwise it would be 4 hours instead of 2 1/2.

I told Athena I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I'm done with her bullshit. She's ditched me twice this week when we've made plans and one of those times was so she could go sleaze around a bar with Angie. She called me 5 minutes before she was supposed to pick me up. She's acting like Corinna and I'm done with people like that. It didn't even seem like she gave a shit that I was telling her we weren't friends anymore. She just said, "Ok, but can we still talk?" No! We can't still talk! That's the point of not being friends!! She doesn't want to hang out with me, cause I don't go to bars. She just wants me around as a free therapist who listens to her talk about the guys she's with. If it's not one she's obsessing over it's another and she goes on and on about the same things. That is my rant. She is forgotten now.

On with life. So, I don't have anyone to go to the Tori concert with now. Val's gonna see if she can get off work and if she can't my mom is gonna go. Yes, that's right, my mom is gonna see Tori Amos with me. What kind of twisted parallel universe did I trip into?

Other than that stuffs I am well.

snagged from mirokus_heir:
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.

2. I'll tell you what song/movie/book/fictional character reminds me of you.

3. I'll pick a substance to wrestle with you in.

4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. Or at least me.

5. I'll tell you my favorite memory of you.

6. I'll tell you what animal or plant you remind me of.

7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

Well, Athena finally approached me about what's going on and we talked it out. So things seem to be cool. We'll see, I'll just be a bit more careful. Other than that there's not much else...

It seems that my friendship with Athena is on its downward spiral. She's casually seeing one of the customers, but is under the impression that it will be something 'serious'. They've only hung out a couple times and he said he's not looking for a relationship. So this means that she doesn't need to talk to her friends anymore (namely me who helped her the most). She's too busy not taking her medication and drinking and partying. Guess I'm just too boring now that she's gotten all she needs from me. Sorry. Just a little butt-hurt because of selfish, self involved, unappreciative persons. She also got Kevin kicked out of the store because he was telling us the truth. Guess she didn't like me questioning all her lies and half-truths. It gets sticky remembering what you've said...

Well, I enrolled at Olympic College Poulsbo campus. I want to get a portfolio built before I try for art school. I'm just tired of complaining about my situation and not doing anything about it. So I'm doing something.

Got two new Resident Evil shirts from Hot Topic. One is an evil raven eating a dead hand and the other is a zombie that's all comic book graphic cool. I wore the zombie one to work and disturbed people enough to not talk to me for an extended length of time. It's paid for itself in my opinion :)

Also got Resident Evil 4. Much goodness...

Mmmm. What fun this summer is so far. Athena broke up with her new boyfriend, decided she wanted her husband back, he didn't want her, and she went crazy. I've been on suicide watch up until two days ago when she tried to check herself into a mental hospital. Now she's taking Zoloft and (hopefully) has given up on Kevin.I don't mind helping my friends. My close friends are the most important people in my life. I'm just wondering at what point does all my counseling and helpfulness cross the line into taking over my life. I don't want to think about Athena's problems all day. I have my own to deal with (well, not really. I've actually been in a good mood lately), but still. I don't want to think of all this negative shiznit when I am feeling groovy! Sometimes I think she's an emotional/energy vampire. Like a dementor, sucks all the happiness out of you.

So other than all that things are cool. A friend of mine is trying to get me to work at Planned Parenthood, but I'm not interested in office work. I don't know what I want to do. But that's always how it's been.Meh.

Got in a fight with Andy over stupid shit. He left for work and I burned myself with matches. I don't know how else to let it out other than screaming and breaking things. Got's to put on the happy face for work now.

It's just Little Earthquakes. Ripping us to pieces...

So, I have noone to talk about interesting things with and I end up just talking to myself. Always wanted to be a hermit living on my own deep in the woods penning manifestoes that noone would care to read. I've been trying to write my zombie story for two years and anytime I think of it I get tired and give up before I start.I don't know why I'm so scared to push forward or create things. I just work, sleep and eat. It's so easy to just be a drone and I fight it everyday. Are you happy when you feel nothing? Cause it beats feeling all the negative shit that's normally felt.

Maybe I just had no talent or ability to begin with. I feel like I have no creativity, just a void.

Happy fuckin 4th of july.

Haven't posted in awhile. I went to the Tori show Friday. It was quite amazing. It was the first show I cried at. The venue was smaller so everyone could see the stage clearly. The entire week before the show karma tried to crush me. There are far too many crazy people (and not good crazy. There's not nearly enough good crazy.).

My old bosses the Morgensens are buying the store back from the guy they sold it to. It should be interesting to see what happens.

That's about all there is...

I am worth $2,003,552.00 on HumanForSale.com

MMMMM...it's my day off. I feel the need to create and not waste my time playing on the computer.

Yep. Still on the computer.

We got a dog last wednesday! He's a Jack Russell terrier and he's awesome and trained and fun and we named him Gir.

Must watch Golden Girls and be calm like buddhist.

Your Goth Tori!


Which Tori are you?
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Just got Seasons 5 and 6 of Red Dwarf! Watched both last nite, now mine eyes'n burn'n.
I've been offered a job by one of the regular customers who owns a landscaping company. I'm seriously considering it, cause I like the great outdoors and don't mind being a work horse. Also found out that the previous owners might take the store over again. The new owner is acting sketchy (possible drug and gambling problem using store profits). Yeah, hideous but so much fun to talk about.
I need to get an Idiots Guide To: Graphic Novels. I really want to make one. I don't have the patience to write a novel, but I like to draw. It could happen.

Well, I got a car. A '99 Honda Accord. It's been awhile since I've driven and I'm all nervous. I just don't want to wreck this one. So if I have to drive like a grandma, so be it. All of this so I can get a different job. Hopefully a better paying one. I think I have the experience and job skills to do something better. We'll see....
I hate changes. They scare me.

Yeah, so I dyed my hair black because when I had it red people thought I was Athena. People still think I'm Athena but now they think I'm Wendy too. Since when did who I am not matter so much that others can't be bothered to remember me. Back in the day the customers knew who I was and now I'm no longer an individual. I think I need a butt-ass ugly nametag to remind their dumbasses what my name is (it's only four letters guys, work with me here).

Oh, and I have a cold. Yay me.

I'm chillin' in the hood cause I don't work until 8pm. The owner doesn't like to pay overtime so I get retarded hours this week. I'm so tired of working. I walked in yesterday and had to do loads of deli projects on top of regular duties (which weren't caught up). I want a new job, but it's not the best job market. Also, I don't want to work in a gas station or anywhere that prepares food. I've done it for over 5 years, I'd like to try something different. Andy tells me to do what makes me happy and then lectures me on making money. I'd like to work 4 days a week or have shorter hours but this doesn't 'make money'. I just want to focus on me and what will help relieve all the stress I have. I fucken hate my job and it makes me so tired when I walk in the door. I'm done with that subject now...
Last nite I closed with Athena. It was cool and after we went to an all nite diner and had coffee. That's when she told me that she's worried cause she's gotten down to 103 lbs. No matter how much weight I lose or how much I work out and eat healthy I still feel like I'm huge. I was always big compared to my friends. I'm finally down to a good size and I'm tired of being told I'm chunky and not that little. Even with all the weight I lost and all the hard work I'm still 'big' in comparison.
So on top of all that I have to decide what to do with my life. I've considered school, but class situations make me panicky. I don't like most people. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do, but I've gotta do something or I'll be stuck here working at Streibels and living in a trailer park. I'd like to think I'm worth more than that...

At least I hope to. I feel like this year will bring many big changes for everyone. Whether good or bad who knows. But many life changing thingies for peoples. I'm hoping to get a new job. Streibels is Streibels and it's tons better than the towing company, but I want to have an interesting job. Doing something I'm interested in like an art store or bookstore. Firstly, I must get a car so I may travel. I'd also like to do more with my art. I think I could actually make something of it. I see the images in my head and the things I want to create, I just get no time or inspiration. This year I'm gonna change my past habits and do something. Not sit on my ass and wait for life to happen.
"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."-John Lennon